21 day Fix Extreme March 13, 2015

Today is Day 12. Still waking up at 6:05am and working out. Still passing out by 11pm next to my hubby 😘 I'm giving all that I have to make this a habit. I don't want to be prediabetic anymore. I don't want to be hurting in 10 years because I've been carrying around so much weight. I'm taking this program to the end of my weight loss journey and into the maintenance game. Haven't checked my weight yet. Won't until after the 21 days are over. I was at 250 even on Day 1. My previous goal was to just breakthrough the 200 barrier but now I'm thinking 185 or 180 would be good. I was around that when I was in High School. I wore short cheerleader skirts in HS and could run a 3/4 mile in 6 minutes.  So I think 180/185 is reasonable. 70 lbs away. I've already made it 30 lbs. 

I know how I feel when I eat badly. The food may taste good and make me

Feel good for a few minutes but then I feel heavy and want more. My biggest weakness right now is sugar. When I cut up the muffins Hal brings from the hotel I can smell the sugar. This morning I had a few small pieces. It may just be a few but it's like giving an alcoholic or a drug addict a small fix. I just want more!!! I don't even crave bread or cheese at all which I tend to go for over sweets. But the sugar is LETHAL!! I'm working on will power at this point. I can't lock myself up in my house with good food. I have to trust that I won't break when around bad stuff. As long as I have a healthy option, I think I can do it. I HAVE had Girl Scout cookies in my house for about a week and a half now and haven't touched or smelled one! That's saying something!! Little by little I will know when to have and when not and be okay with telling people "no thanks" instead of "uh, heck yeah!" 

December 7

The past week or so I've been dealing with a lot at home (nothing bad). I've also been unmotivated and super busy, etc etc. The usual. I'm always busy though...Kids, workout, errands, house, biz, kids so there is really no excuse for not working out or eating well EXCEPT for the fact that I'm just being stubborn and lazy and maybe a little hormonal. 

But the part of me that doesn't like how I feel when I'm not active or cheating on meals is screaming at me to not go down this path and to remember how good I feel and how positive I am and how much energy I have when I'm doing what I should be doing. 

I've also been slacking on working my business. So I just spent the last hour or so, while Hal is installing the dishwasher, adding tasks to my calendar for the week and making them as fool-proof and easy as possible. 

So here's to hitting the reset button and charging forward!

it's been a long day

Jeremy is going crazy. I don't know if it's the new school or what. I need more help. I need to file for disability for him or get a job so I can afford more after school therapy, $20 a day worth! Eeek! I know all will be well but, wow. This kid has lost his marbles. K, anyway! 

Gotta go check on Jeremy now. He won't keep his pants on! 

a place for myself-an old post post from July

Hal had to do some work for his Dad today...on his day off. He's been gone all day. Missing him immensely. It's been a long week. Thankful tomorrow is Friday! I have to come up with some plans for the boys and I next week because a 3 week break before school starts for Jeremy turned into a 4.5 week break (3.5 weeks left) and he's already losing it without structure!!! We just sent in paperwork for the new school year for him. He will still be in the County of SJ special education program but the location will be the school right down the street! Both him and Ian will be walking together (with me of course) to school starting August 20! So awesome. And I keep hearing the head teacher is awesome. YAY!

I think I need a break. From my brain. Been feeling less than lately and I know not to go down that road. Feeling like I have no one to talk to, that understands me, except Hal. Feeling alot of things that are just not true. I need to find...shoot. I don't know what I need to find. I need to get out of my own head is what I need to do. I've been feeling really good physically lately because I have been seeing all the work I've done on my body, in the mirror and feeling better in general and trying not to poison my body with bad food. What I haven't been doing is feeding my mind and my soul with good things. It's constantly worrying about one thing to the next to the next to the next with no break. Jeremy. House. Ian. House. Money. Summer. Money. house, etc etc etc. I don't necessarily need a day off or a vacation. I just need a way for my mind to be free and be creative in some way. I'm having many doubts as well. Doubts about my abilities as a Mom mostly. I know I have the wife and homemaker thing down. And every time I think about having to get a job i freak out because I have no idea what I want to do and I don't want to rack up more school debt.
I really don't know what my problem is. I know I have an awesome life. I just think i could be doing things better, more perfect, more....IMPOSSIBLE.

At the end of the day I have to tell myself that I'm doing my best. I have a lot on my plate. If I get to it, I get to it. What does the world expect? Perfection?

Yes, I'm that Mom that lets her kids watch more than enough TV certain days. I'm the Mom that lets her son with autism run around the house half naked with her Iphone for hours because it keeps him happy. I'm also the mom that makes good food for her kids, plays with them, makes sure they stay safe, kisses, hugs and showers them with "i love yous" as much as I can. I'm also a mom that yells. I'm also the mom that sings silly songs to make them laugh but also makes sure they do their homework! I'm also a Mom that prays.

This blog is not meant to do anything but give me an outlet. I don't want to be famous, I just want to be understood. AND if you don't have anything nice to say...then say something nice anyway!